Lester Burnham: Remember those posters that said， "Today is the first day of the rest of your life？" Well， that's true with every day except one: the day that you die.
Lester Burnham: No， Brad; I'm just an ordinary guy who has nothing left to lose.
Lester Burnham: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink.
Carolyn Burnham: Don't you mess with me， mister， or I'll porce you so fast it'll make your head spin！
Lester Burnham: On what grounds？ I'm not a drunk， I don't fuck other women， I've never hit you， I don't mistreat you... I don't even try to touch you since you've made it so abundantly clear how unnecessary you consider me to be！ But I did support you when you got your license， and some people might think that entitles me to half of what's yours. So， turn off the light when you come to bed！